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Unfortunately, there are many people who struggle with abuse issues in their current or past life.  Abuse is pervasive in our society, and even with all the attention that has brought to this issue in the last twenty years, there’s still only a small fraction of people who actually report at the time.  Those who do are often not believed, and are sent back into unsafe places to continue to deal with the abuse alone.  Because a lot of abuse is perpetrated by someone the person or child knows, or someone on whom they are dependent, they have little or no recourse, or safe spaces in their lives.  Abuse occurs at an even higher rate in people with disabilities or differences.  At the present time, bullying of LGBT children in the school system is pandemic.  Bullying in general is commonplace, and accepted as normative by many people in academic settings.

The cycle of abuse is difficult to break.  There are three stages:  honeymoon, tension build-up, and explosion.  The victim is usually blamed for the abuse, and they are subject to many changing moods, that are seductive and frightening.  They end up feeling crazy.  The abuser apologizes for the abuse, and then promises it won’t happen again, and then it does.  The longer the cycle happens, the shorter the honeymoon part of the cycle becomes, until it’s nearly non-existent.  Many people, living in the cycle, are so overwhelmed by their circumstances, that they cannot make the changes necessary to leave their situation without support.  Abuse doesn’t become less with time.  It becomes more serious and more frequent. There are options for you, if you’re in this place.

Many children who have suffered abuse have developed some form of dissociation, and need time to be able to reconnect with those experiences in a safe and supportive environment.  There is evidence that many people who have been abused, that have not received help, may abuse others when they are adults.  Some subconsciously enter abusive relationships, because they know the dynamics and they are used to the dance.  Triggers can abound.

Children who have lived in an abusive situation, where they are exposed to seeing and hearing abuse happen to others, have a skewed view of the world and relationships.  This affects them throughout life.  Adults often minimize their childhood experiences, even though, if they happened to someone else, they would find them horrible.

Therapy can help you figure out who you are, and where you want to go.  Safety plans can get set up, and you can explore the choices that are available for you.  There are community resources, and although the government continually changes the funding for such programs, and the services have often become more restricted, they are still there, and can be accessed.  Let me know if you want to work on this.  I will follow your pace.  You can contact me at wendy at, or through the other alternatives on the contact page.

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